DAMN.
in the last few days…it just hit me like a fucking wave.
So many stressful moments…making me strongly reconsider why i even chose to sing during movement showcase because the mics were just sooooooo uncooperative and a lack of trust in myself. But with the support of friends I was able to get through it. Yea, i’m harshly critical of myself because I KNOW i could of have done so much better for so many reasons, i feel like i let myself down, my full potential was not showcased the way it should have been. But in the end, i did that out there for me, and if i know myself and know that I had the potential, that’s all that matters because the audience don’t know shit anyways. And people who judge, can shut up because lets see you try to do better.
Talking about people who judge. yeah, i judge, but i’m talking judging people’s souls, their morals, the people they associate with. YOU DON’T KNOW WTF THEY ARE GOING THROUGH, YOU ONLY LOOK AT THEIR EXTERIOR, JUDGE THEM UPON SUCH UNFAIR SUBJECTIVE TERMS WITHOUT EVEN TRYING TO REALLY GET TO KNOW THEM OR MAKE THE EFFORT.
sorry for the rant. Sometimes, i just really look at a group of people, who seem really cool and innocent, but really they are so sinister and don’t realize the looks they give-the type of vibe they give off. I know people may feel this way towards me, and I understand. But this is my space to just vent, seriously if you are reading this and feel like you are someone i’m implying, why don’t you actually try to be my friend and stop judging me, i’d really rather have you just not give a fucking shit, why are we even friends?
and also, people who think they are the shit. GET OVER YOURSELF. PLEASE compliments and acknowledgment only come from those who are humble and deserve applause. Just because your friends are super cool, that may make you feel better about yourself, but stop depending on those people to bring you up in life, because really, you just look like a sad little bitch minian.
to my amazing friends….
you guys are the reason why i’m still at Berkeley. cuz in all honesty i hate this fucking school, struggling to get by a double major, one in the easiest department, and one in the fucking hardest department! FML. sure, you guys hurt me at times, let me down, question my friendship, but in the end yall are fucking there for me even through all your hardest times. you have seen my weakest, most embarrassing moments, but i know that you guys love me for who I am. Because of your support and love, I am surviving.
And to God. I’m sorry for being your greatest sinner. I’m sorry I neglected you. I’m sorry for letting you down with my sacrilegious attitude, my over indulgence. Thank you for taking me as I am because this is just me-so small and unworthy of your glory…
When it comes to family…no comment
Main Stacks. it’s been a joy ride and also a fucking cry ride. Either way, lessons learned. i grew as a person and dancer, and i only owe you my thanks. But i don’t think i’m going to go back for the most part.
Movement. sorry for neglecting you. Sproul Chair was such a success. JK.. fuck the abbreviation….JAYMIE AND KEISHA!!!!!…seriously fucking love you two. my pride and joy.
To my ex. (wow i just thought of you now). As simple as it was breaking up with you, damn…i’m very much affected by it. I’m sorry for everything-for not being there for you, for not being honest with you, communicating, being disrespectful, losing those feelings. i just can’t do it anymore…and it really sucks, because you’re truly such an amazing person.
now back to writing two 12 page papers, Biochemistry and Human Physiology
spare a moment to read this quote.
Regret comes in all shapes and sizes. Some are small like when we do a bad thing for a good reason. Some are bigger like when you let down a friend. Some of us escape the pain of regret by making the right choice. Some of us have little time for regret because we’re looking forward to the future. Sometimes we have to fight to come to terms with the past, and sometimes we bury our regret by promising to change your own ways.
But, our biggest regrets are not for the things we did — but, for the things we didn’t do. Things we didn’t say that could’ve save someone that we care about. Especially when we can see the dark storm that’s headed their way.
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